I need to mark her passing, but words fail me. I’ve written a lot about her, what we meant to one another, and how much I miss her. There isn’t much more to say.
I am still not really able to admit she’s gone. She’s just been busy, or she’s been away – not really gone for good. I feel her too much for that to be true.
Her family is well. Her husband remarried and has remade his life with someone new. Her son is finding his way, bouncing along with the resilience of youth. I am happy for them.
I am sad still, unexpectedly so. She was, to quote my brother, my first best friend. She was one of the first to hold my hand and help me up. My earliest memories are centered on her. She was my benchmark, my ideal.
She left her mark on my heart, always telling me that mine was big enough to hold the world. Tonight, it hurts knowing there is still a Jan-sized hole in the center.
Always in my heart, my sister, my friend.
1954 – 2011